'It's difficult to grieve when you're fighting for justice'

3 hours ago 5

Áine O’DonnellBBC Newsbeat

Getty Images Maddy Cusack is seen during a match in this zoomed-in shot. She wears Sheffield United's black away kit, her blonde hair tied back in a pony tail. She is looking off to her side during what appears to be a break in the action.Getty Images

Maddy was the first player to make 100 appearances for Sheffield United Women

Olivia Cusack has the letter M tattooed on her wrist.

It stands for Maddy, her sister, the Sheffield United footballer who died in September 2023.

"Her life was cut short," says Olivia.

"There's a lot of things we planned together that we didn't get to experience."

Midfielder Maddy Cusack was 27 years old when she was found dead at her home in Derbyshire.

She had played for the Blades since 2019 and became the first player to make 100 appearances for their women's side.

There are still unanswered questions about the circumstances surrounding her death - ones relatives had hoped to have answered at an inquest in July.

But the hearing is now expected to take place in January.

For Olivia, the delays are frustrating.

"It's the biggest thing that's ever happened for me personally in my life and you have no control over how that is dealt with," she tells BBC Newsbeat.

'She just wanted to play the sport she loved'

Olivia's tattoo is just one of the things she has been able to do to honour her sister's memory.

Her family also set up a foundation in Maddy's name to support women and girls in football.

But Olivia says it has been hard to grieve properly while official investigations have taken so long to conclude.

An external report ordered by Sheffield United shortly after Maddy's death cleared the club of wrongdoing.

But a second report from the Football Association, commissioned in early 2024, won't be published until her inquest concludes.

"It's almost like the pause button was hit in October 2023," Olivia says, referring to the date when the inquest first opened.

"With the loss of Maddy you want to think of her at peace and that she's okay.

"But it's hard to picture her at peace now when there's so much chaos surrounding her death."

Getty Images Three women and a man walk side-by-side into the centre circle of a football pitch. One of the women, wearing black trousers and a grey overcoat, carries a large wreath of white and red flowers at waist level. Next to her a younger woman in a black leather jacket appears to wipe a tear from her eye, while the man, in a grey suit with white tie and black shirt, looks forward.Getty Images

Olivia (centre) led an on-pitch tribute to Maddy in 2023 alongside her mum, dad and Sheffield United player Sophie Barker

There has been no official explanation for Maddy's death, though police said at the time it was not considered suspicious.

Her family has previously said she had no longstanding mental health issues, but faced financial pressures in the months before.

She also balanced her football career with a full-time marketing job at the club's offices.

Maddy's family has complained about "processes and conduct" at Sheffield United, including that of former women's team manager Jonathan Morgan.

At a pre-inquest hearing in June, Mr Morgan said witnesses put forward by the family were "one-sided" and requested permission to invite those with "an opposing view" to testify.

Coroner Sophie Cartwright, who is in charge of the inquest, said she would make a judgement on these issues before the full hearings.

All of that has made it "very difficult for the family to put those emotions to one side and deal with them properly", Olivia says.

"Whilst you're still in fighting mode, looking for that justice, it's difficult to take your foot off the gas for a minute and actually think about what's happened and come to terms with it."

Getty Images Nina Wilson and Olivia Cusack stand shoulder-to-shoulder in front of a wall overlooking a countryside valley. Nina has long, brown hair and wears a black, cropped t-shirt. Olivia has long, blonde hair and wears a black pullover hoodie with a silver heart locket around her neck.Getty Images

Maddy's former team-mate Nina Wilson (left), pictured with Olivia, has led calls to retire the number eight shirt

In the meantime, Maddy's family and friends have been looking for ways to pay a lasting tribute to her.

Former Sheffield United goalkeeper Nina Wilson remembers their time together at the club fondly.

"Maddy was Miss Sheff United," she says.

"When I signed for Sheffield she came and met me in the car park at Bramhall Lane.

"I'd never met her before but it felt like we were already friends."

Like Olivia, Nina also got a tattoo to remember Maddy.

Hers is an eight - the same number Maddy wore each time she stepped on to the pitch.

"It was emotional, something I wanted to do pretty much straight away," says Nina.

"Everyone knows how much she loved that shirt."

Nina, who has quit football since Maddy's death, has called on Sheffield United to retire the shirt

"It would mean so much to her for that to always be her number," she says.

Maddy's family backs the campaign, which Nina describes as a way to keep her friend in people's thoughts.

As the inquest gets further away, Nina says: "I do feel that her memory slowly fades away.

"And that's why we fight so hard."

Since Maddy's death, no-one else has worn the number eight shirt for Sheffield United Women - who play in the new WSL 2 league.

The club confirmed its fan advisory board had proposed retiring of Maddy's shirt on two separate occasions.

But in a statement, it said: "We, as a club, feel that keeping the number in existence gives a reminder of whom has worn it previously and keeps Maddy's memory alive."

Sheffield United added that it had taken the same stance on defender George Baldock, who died in 2024 after spending seven years at the club.

Plans to mark the second anniversary of Maddy's death on 20 September at the side's home game against Charlton Athletic are being finalised, the club said.

It also said "conversations can be had" about any lasting tributes once Maddy's inquest concludes.

Until that day, Olivia has the tattoo as one lasting reminder of her sister.

"Anywhere I go, you'll come with me. Anyone I meet, you'll shake their hand," she says.

If you've been affected by the issues raised in this article, help and support is available via BBC Action Line.

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